The gift beside the rubbish bin

I met Angelina (name & background changed for confidentiality) as part of a team coaching exercise with a health care provider in Singapore several years ago. She was the lead nurse in a high pressure, highly stressful ICU department. As the long and stressful shifts had started to take a toll, the coaching was targeted to find ways for the team to work more sustainably, whilst maintaining the kind of agility and good results the unit was known for.

As the coaching project progressed, I got to know more about the personal side of some team members. One stood out for me … the lead nurse, Angelina. She clearly was the centrepiece of the unit, supporting everyone, especially the younger nurses and doctors, in a caring way. At times, she could also be tough. For me, she was the “tiger-mum” of the organisation, making sure things got done and nobody was lost along the way

After one of the workshops, Angelina opened her heart and told me her story. I was stunned and, honestly speaking, quite taken aback.

When she was seven, collecting personal documents for her school, she had made a startling discovery. Reading through her birth certificate, she found out her parents were not her real parents. Shocked, confused and also somewhat angry, she ran to her grandma, the good soul in the house and the one she could talk to about anything.

Grandma asked her to sit down and gently told her what had happened. When only a few weeks old, Angelina was found in a bundle of blankets near a rubbish collection point. Her current parents had taken her in and raised her as if she were their own daughter. The parents never spoke about it. Angelina never asked them.

As times were not easy, Angelina’s dad had to find work overseas, making her grow up mainly with her mum and grandma. Eventually, Angelina moved with her mum to Canada to be reunited with her dad. Their life was tough. Angelina had to find her feet in a new, cold, and strange country. But it would get even worse. When she was 16, her mother passed away with a heart attack. Suddenly, the person she trusted the most was gone.

But life had to go on. Her dad remarried, and turning 18, Angelina decided to move back to Singapore on her own to become a nurse. The father’s marriage did not last and he re-joined her a few years later in Singapore. They lived together happily until he passed away peacefully at the graceful age of 94.

I could sense Angelina sadness when she talked about her dad. She missed him. But then she smiled and said, “Well, maybe I was indeed a little gift found beside the rubbish bin” … a gift to the open hearted parents who adopted her … a gift to her own family, with her two daughters on track to go to university … and the many “family members” she supports every day in her work at the hospital unit.

Why am I telling Angelina’s story?

First, I strongly believe there is meaning in adversity. Angelina’s life journey was tough, yet she always kept a positive outlook and approached setbacks and difficulties with the mindset of positivity. She asked her herself what can be learned here and, most importantly, she never gave up. Someone told me once that, “Sh%t is the best fertilizer.” Angelina had to deal with a lot of “sh%t” in her life, and she clearly used it to grow and help others.

Second, I want to honour the selfless way in which Angelina’s foster parents took her in and raised her. Their kind of deep love is the basic energy source of our lives. They loved her as if she were their own child and never talked about it. And look at what their little gift beside the rubbish bin became.  Angelina is clearly giving so much love to her environment every day now, be it at home or at work.

My challenge today is simple. When you go through a difficult time, struggling with some unbearable circumstances or facing new challenges, try to look at them with Angelina’s eyes. Look at them as something to weather through, even though it seems tough. Perhaps there is something to learn. Perhaps there is something that will make you grow. Perhaps there is something that will touch your heart.

I understand this is easier said than done. But look around, reach out for help, share your difficulties, and open your heart. Look out for the love around you. People want to help. You will get through the difficult times and open up the possibility of making a greater difference in your own way … a positive difference, like our unsung hero Angelina, clearly a wonderful gift found beside a rubbish bin.