Swimming with Men

Eric sits in his glass office, utterly hopeless, bored, and confused. He is an accountant who has arrived mid-life in a job that makes him fall asleep. His wife is thriving in her career as a local politician and is rarely there for Eric. His teenaged son does not like him very much. He wonders what life is still about. He is stuck in a proper mid-life crisis. The only respite Eric gets is in the evenings when he swims in his local pool.

This is how the English comedy-drama, Swimming with Men, begins.

After finding his wife and her boss enjoying a glass of wine at his home, Eric loses it and moves out. Life from then on feels even more meaningless. During one of his swims, he sinks to the floor of the pool, wanting to end it all. This is when he discovers a strange group of men on the other side of the pool … under water … doing very weird things while holding hands.

Later, when he’s out of the pool he sees them trying to put a floating figure together while holding each other’s feet and casually comments that this figure would never work with an odd-numbered group. They are impressed and sense that Eric could be a good addition to the group. He can help … and do with some help himself. They all sense where he is emotionally and can relate. “We’ve all had our moments at the bottom of the pool …!” So, they invite Eric to join their exclusive synchronised swimming club. While Eric is concerned, and doesn’t exactly know what this is all about, he agrees to join, as there is not much else to do.

His new synchronised swim club has strict rules including, “Don’t talk about the club. What goes in the pool stays in the pool” and, “We are only as strong as the weakest member and that is strong enough.” But there is some deeper purpose in the group as they together “fight against the meaninglessness of life …, try to forget the world … and combat the tyranny of aging”.

Learning the eggbeater, the wilting flower and other magical moves, Eric begins to appreciate the group and their tremendous diversity of personal issues. Ted is a sensitive widower, Luke is a smoothie divorced real estate salesman secretly in love with Susan, a female synchro star working at the pool. Tom is a youngster, constantly in trouble with the police, Kurt is a dentist and the squad’s cynic, while Colin is a failed Crystal-Palace footballer with a secret anxiety problem.

They are all fine, ordinary human beings. As the movie goes on, what unfolds is the story of friendship and how human connection can help people get through even the hardest of times. It’s truly heart-warming. The pool and their strange moves become a metaphor for life’s challenges as they prepare for a world championship, representing England. Oh, and the subplot? They intend to win back Eric’s wife with an unprecedented, synchronised performance in front of parliament.

Without spoiling the movie’s ending, you may wonder why I am telling this unusual story about men doing synchronised swimming.

I believe there is a deeper meaning behind the movie, as the gang tries to fight the meaninglessness of life. It highlights the importance of social support, connection, and deep meaningful friendships.

Thankfully, since COVID, I have become part of a similar group, which I could call “sitting with men,” although that’s not 100% true. Every Saturday Morning at 6AM, we meet on a Zoom Call to practice meditation together. Tone and John are there, but we also have Emma in the group. Over the years, this group has helped me through some difficult times, as it offers a safe space where we’re able to share openly what is going well for us … and not so well. We usually have a good laugh about ourselves. While we do not create fancy figures in a pool, we somehow have each other’s back. Like the swimmers, our group feels “as strong as the weakest member, and that is strong enough.” The group has become a wonderful base of support.

My question today is simple. What is your equivalent to “swimming with men” (or women)? Where can you let your hair down and be accepted for who you really are? Where can you think out loud and share what is really going on in your life? I believe we can all do with some strong connections that provide a much-needed safety net at times. Make sure to work and maintain these bonds of friendships, because just like the intricate figures displayed by our synchronised swimmers, these bonds require constant flapping, strengthening and support. So, keep pedalling, and make sure you don’t pedal alone!

Joerg

P.S. The movie Swimming with Men is based on the true story of a group of men in Stockholm who started a weekly synchronised swimming club to escape from the daily grind of work and family responsibilities, while mastering “the art of turning 40.” https://www.pbs.org/independentlens/documentaries/men-who-swim/.