On 26 May 2026, after 1.5 hours of my final panel interview, I received the great news from the panel:
“Congratulations Joerg, you are now officially a certified UKCP psychotherapist.”
Phew. It took a couple of deep breaths and quite a while to realise what had just happened. A meticulous journey of seven years … of more than 1,800 training and classroom hours, clinical supervision, personal therapy, nearly 1,000 hours in client sessions and the submission of a host of essays had just come to an end.
In the days that followed, I tried to make sense of what I had learned on this journey. I felt some of the learnings might resonate and so I thought I would share them here.
People say: “Always start with the Why.”
My goal in becoming a psychotherapist was never the title itself. After nearly six years as a fulltime coach, I realised there were certain client situations I encountered where I simply did not know enough. I wanted to better understand the human psyche, so I could support clients more effectively with whatever they were facing.
With my Why clear, I got started and quickly fell in love with the classroom sessions and our supportive group of students. Alongside learning the theory, we spent countless hours practising the techniques we were studying.
Then came the first essay.
I quickly realised how challenging this would be. My last essay had been written in German more than 25 years earlier. Unsurprisingly, my grades were mixed. The low point was the ethics paper, which required three revisions. It was nerve-racking, to say the least, as a fourth unsatisfactory effort would have disqualified me from the programme.
So, one of my first lessons came early:
Lesson #1: Don’t give up. Keep going.
I loved the early case studies with real clients. But it was in supervision with Steve that some of my biggest learnings happened.
With my background as a German mechanical engineer, I realised I was still approaching many client situations with a problem-solving mindset. When clients were struggling, my instinct was often to analyse, help, and fix.
This often did not work in the therapeutic setting.
Some clients stayed. Others quietly voted with their feet.
This was when Steve introduced me to the story of The Sun and the Wind, which became a real game changer for me. Together with Brené Brown’s work on empathy, it showed me how to sit with clients, rather than immediately try to fix things.
Exploring this further in supervision and my own therapy, I discovered that my urge to problem-solve was not simply the result of being a German engineer. Underneath sat a subtle fear … the fear of not knowing, of not adding value, of sitting with somebody’s pain without being able to make it go away.
Learning to stay present despite that fear became one of the most valuable lessons of the entire training.
Lesson #2: Sometimes the most helpful thing is not to problem-solve.
Steve reinforced this lesson by introducing me to the famous Monty Python scene in Life of Brian, where somebody offers to carry another person’s cross and ends up with a crucifixion of his own. At times, that was clearly me!
But over time, my practice stabilised. Clients stayed. Things moved.
Slowly, I began to realise that my role was not to rescue people from every difficulty, but to walk alongside them as they found their own way through.
In this process, I discovered that some of life’s challenges are not there to be solved immediately. Sometimes the timing is not right. Sometimes the lesson is still unfolding. And sometimes people simply aren’t ready yet.
Lesson #3: Not everything and everyone can be fixed.
That was a difficult lesson, but an important one.
What also helped me enormously was my own therapy. Over more than 100 hours, I explored different experiential approaches and therapists, including psychotherapy in nature. My experiences in the Welsh forest with German therapist Ludwig were rich, eye-opening, and often deeply moving.
There are no trees with burnout.
There are no rivers with anxiety disorders.
Being in nature helped me stay clear, grounded, and connected. It reminded me that life has an intelligence of its own and that not every challenge requires more trying.
Lesson #4: Life knows how to grow. Trust it.
Finally came my thesis.
After my first two proposed research topics were rejected, I eventually wrote about insecure overachievement … a topic very close to my heart. Through this work, I explored how high-performing people can become trapped in cycles of achievement, seeking validation and self-worth through what they accomplish.
I discovered that much healthier and more sustainable ways of striving are possible.
Lesson #5: Achievement can be a poor substitute for self-worth.
Looking back, these lessons all seemed to point in the same direction: less fixing, less striving, and more trust in life and people.
Perhaps there is something in this for all of us. When a friend, colleague, partner, or family member comes to us with an emotional challenge, how quickly do we move into problem-solving mode?
I know how easy it is to default trying to fix things.
But there is another way.
Brené Brown talks about going down into the basement with them.
Simply sit. Listen. Be there.
As therapists, our role is often not to cure, but to care.
And I increasingly believe that, as human beings, our ability to care for one another may be one of the most powerful gifts we have.
Joerg
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