From Achievement to Self-Worth

Paul (name changed) is one of my most successful coaching clients. He built his career from a difficult start and now holds a senior leadership role in a competitive consulting environment. He is responsible for hundreds of millions in budget and a large team. His success came from building strong relationships, delegating wisely, and having a sharp instinct for which projects to focus on.

He’s also recently become a father, enjoys a healthy marriage, and, from the outside, seems to have it all together. And yet, like many high achievers, there are moments when he gets pulled into the comparison trap. Moments where he scrolls through social media and notices people with bigger houses, higher income, or flashier lifestyles. Now and then, this comparison knocks him off balance. He loses focus, doubts himself, and, recently, it even affected his work and relationships.

That’s when we knew we had to pause and explore the situation in more detail together.

As we talked, I gently reminded Paul of something he had once told me … that he never wanted to become a materialistic person. What truly matters to him are his family, deep friendships, time for himself, and meaningful experiences, like that epic mountain climb he did with a friend. Not the size of a house, the type of car or his net worth.

Something clicked.

He paused and then said, “Yes… these are the things that truly matter to me. It’s like I switch from being the good Paul to the bad Paul when I forget that.”

This opened up a deeper discussion about self-esteem versus self-worth. While often used interchangeably, I find it helpful to distinguish them in coaching.

• Self-esteem is how we evaluate our abilities … how capable or successful we feel in specific areas of life. It’s performance-based and often fluctuates depending on whether we succeed or fail.
• Self-worth, on the other hand, is our underlying sense of being valuable just as we are. It’s unconditional. You are worthy because you exist, not because you’ve achieved something, reached a goal, or gained approval.

Self-esteem is tied to doing. Self-worth is rooted in being.

Of course, both are important. And they interact. For example, someone with high self-worth but low self-esteem might know they’re a good person even after failing at something. Whereas someone with high self-esteem but low self-worth might look confident on the outside but feel unlovable deep down if their success disappears.

The good news is while self-esteem can be built by growing our capabilities and achieving meaningful goals, self-worth can also be nurtured … just in different ways.

Here are 7 practices that can help:

1. Gratitude as an Anchor
   Remind yourself: “I have enough. I am enough.” Write down 3 things you’re grateful for about yourself, because the more we are grateful, the more we have to be grateful for.
2. Self-Compassion
   Treat yourself as you would a friend, child or pet who’s hurting. In tough moments, pause and say: “This is hard. I’m not alone. I choose to be kind to myself.”
3. Loosen the Grip of Achievement
   Notice when your self-worth rises or falls based on praise, productivity, or comparison. Ask: “Would I still be valuable without this success?”
4. Live from Your Values
   Let core values (like love, curiosity, or humbleness) guide your day … not external rewards.
5. Reconnect to Your Inherent Dignity
   Spend time in nature, journal, or read soul-affirming texts. Your worth doesn’t need to be earned.
6. Seek Support When Needed
   Many therapy and coaching approaches can help quiet the inner critic and heal old shame.
7. Unconditional Self-Acceptance
   Say it aloud: “I am enough as I am … even when I don’t achieve anything.”

Paul’s story is one many of us recognise. Under pressure, we can sometimes lose touch with our values and fall into the comparison trap. That harms both self-esteem and self-worth.

But when Paul reconnected to his core values, to those things that matter most to him … his family, friendships, time for himself, and adventures … he found his way back. He reminded himself not only of who he is, but what truly gives his life meaning, and this clearly was not materialistic things.

So, there was no need for further comparing.

We’re all under constant pressure to achieve, impress, earn, and perform. And sometimes, in the middle of all that striving, we forget we are worthy, even when we’re simply being.

Just think about a baby or a pet. You don’t love them because they’re productive or successful. You love them because they’re there. Because they exist.

So, next time you find yourself struggling or comparing, take a breath. Remind yourself: “I’m OK as I am. I am worthy.”

Try one of the 7 practices above, and, like Paul, you might find yourself still hungry for meaningful achievements but no longer driven by the need to prove your worth.

Joerg