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How to support someone in a really difficult place?

Joerg Kuehn · Apr 26, 2023 · 2 Comments

I had started to collect my 450 client-therapy hours towards becoming a UKCP registered Psychotherapist. It was tough, as I was exposed to psychological and personal challenges I was absolutely not used to as a Coach.

I was trying my best, but something wasn’t working. Some clients came for a few sessions, then abruptly stopped. That was hard to take emotionally, and I began to question my ability to support psychotherapeutic clients.

As I was talking the cases through with my supervisor Steve, he leaned back, looked at me, and asked if I knew the story of the wind and the sun. I did not. It’s quite profound.

“The wind and the sun were talking one day as they observed a man sitting on a bench. It was rather cold, so the man was dressed in a scarf and a coat. Out of the blue, the wind suggested a little challenge to the sun. The wind said, “I’ll bet I can blow that man’s coat off.”  The sun scoffed. “I’ll take that bet and I raise it. You can’t do it … but I can.” 

“You?” said the wind.  “What power do you have?  No way.”  And so, the contest was on.

The wind began to blow in chilly winds from the north. The man tugged his coat up tighter around his neck. So, the wind kicked up the intensity of the wind speed a few notches. As the wind blew stronger and stronger, the man struggled to sit upright on the bench. The more powerfully the wind blew, the tighter the man wrapped his scarf and coat around himself. Now, the wind was blowing at full force and it was freezing cold. The man, gripping the bench with both hands, pulled his knees up and huddled in a kind of ball in a desperate attempt to keep from freezing. No way to take of his coat! The Wind had failed.

Now it was the sun’s turn.

[Read more…] about How to support someone in a really difficult place?

What does life expect from you?

Joerg Kuehn · Mar 29, 2023 · Leave a Comment

Nine months after he had married his wife in 1942, the Austrian psychiatrist Victor Frankl and his family were captured by the Nazis and transported to the Theresienstadt Ghetto – a waystation en route to the extermination camps. They were forced to abort their unborn child, and Frankl’s father died only months later of starvation and pneumonia.

In 1944, together with his wife and 1,500 other inmates, Frankl was placed on a train. They assumed they’d be transported to one of the Nazi armament factories to be used as forced labour. After days cooped up in the windowless wagon, one of the inmates glanced at a signpost outside. What he read out made the desperate passengers shiver with fear. “Auschwitz!,” he screamed in disbelief.

Separated from his wife upon arrival, Frankl was a man without any connection to his former life.

[Read more…] about What does life expect from you?

Why You Should Master The #1 Hostage Negotiation Skill

Joerg Kuehn · Sep 29, 2021 · Leave a Comment

Chris Voss had been with the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force for several years when he became intrigued by the idea of becoming a hostage negotiator.  To try his luck, he went to Amy Bonderow, who ran the FBI’s crisis negotiation team in New York at that time.

“I want to be a hostage negotiator,” Voss said.

Amy replied “Well, everyone does. Do you have any training, experience, credentials or a degree in Psychology/Sociology?”

Chris had none of it, but did not give up: “Come on, there must be something I can do?”

[Read more…] about Why You Should Master The #1 Hostage Negotiation Skill

The “perfect heart” for a life well lived

Joerg Kuehn · Jun 23, 2021 · 2 Comments

A good friend of mine (Thanks a lot Emma!) recently shared a wonderful story with me, which I immediately felt compelled to “steal” and share it with you:

“One day, a young man walked into the village square and declared he had the most perfect heart in the whole valley.  A crowd gathered around him and all admired his heart, because it was, indeed, perfect.  No stains, no defects.  Yes, they agreed, it was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was proud and boasted even more about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared from the crowd and said, ‘Listen, your heart is half as beautiful as mine.’

[Read more…] about The “perfect heart” for a life well lived

The Non-Medical Secret To Avoiding A Heart Attack

Joerg Kuehn · Jun 30, 2020 · 2 Comments

In the early 1960’s, the US government decided to fund a study about Roseto, a remarkable small town of Italian immigrants in Pennsylvania.  What made the town stand out was the fact that rate of hearts attacks was less than half the US average.

In their attempt to identify the reasons for the low risk of heart disease, the researchers first studied the field of nutrition.  But it turned out that the Rosetans loved meatballs and sausages fried in lard with hard and soft cheeses.  That could not have been the reason.  Next they looked at smoking, but it turned out the people from Roseto loved their cigars.  Also not the reason.   After that, they analyzed their drinking habits, but it turned out they drank wine “with seeming abandon.”  Finally, they looked into the working conditions, but most of the Rosetans were working in the surrounding slate quarries where they breathed dust-filled air..

So, what reduced the risks of heart attacks in Roseto so dramatically?

[Read more…] about The Non-Medical Secret To Avoiding A Heart Attack

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