reaching out

Kreative Problemlösung für ein befreites Leben

Joerg Kuehn · Jul 26, 2023 · 2 Comments

Es ist 13.30 Uhr am 30. März 1983, als Holger Bethke und sein Freund Michael Becker an einer bestimmten Ecke in der Schmollerstraße in Ost-Berlin ankommen. Das Haus, nach dem sie suchen, liegt direkt neben dem „Todesstreifen“. Verkleidet als Handwerker versuchen sie so wenig Lärm wie möglich zu machen, als sie die verschlossenen Türen mit einem „Dietrich“ öffnen. Ihr Plan ist es, von hier aus über die Berliner Mauer zu fliehen. Das ist ebenso wagemutig und riskant wie lebensgefährlich. Doch wenn es funktioniert, schaffen sie es in ein komplett neues Leben.

Noch allerdings gilt es zwölf Stunden zu warten. Die Zeit verbringen sie auf dem Dachboden, essen ein paar mitgebrachte Brote, trinken Schnaps und rauchen Zigaretten. Kurz nach Mitternacht legen sie das Ende eines 105 Meter langen 6mm-Stahlkabels um den Schornstein. Das andere Ende wird an einer Angelschnur befestigt und soll mit einem Pfeil und Fiberglas-Bogen auf das Dach eines Hauses auf der anderen Seite der Grenze geschossen werden.

How to support someone in a really difficult place?

Joerg Kuehn · Apr 26, 2023 · 2 Comments

I had started to collect my 450 client-therapy hours towards becoming a UKCP registered Psychotherapist. It was tough, as I was exposed to psychological and personal challenges I was absolutely not used to as a Coach.

I was trying my best, but something wasn’t working. Some clients came for a few sessions, then abruptly stopped. That was hard to take emotionally, and I began to question my ability to support psychotherapeutic clients.

As I was talking the cases through with my supervisor Steve, he leaned back, looked at me, and asked if I knew the story of the wind and the sun. I did not. It’s quite profound.

“The wind and the sun were talking one day as they observed a man sitting on a bench. It was rather cold, so the man was dressed in a scarf and a coat. Out of the blue, the wind suggested a little challenge to the sun. The wind said, “I’ll bet I can blow that man’s coat off.” The sun scoffed. “I’ll take that bet and I raise it. You can’t do it … but I can.”

“You?” said the wind. “What power do you have? No way.” And so, the contest was on.

The wind began to blow in chilly winds from the north. The man tugged his coat up tighter around his neck. So, the wind kicked up the intensity of the wind speed a few notches. As the wind blew stronger and stronger, the man struggled to sit upright on the bench. The more powerfully the wind blew, the tighter the man wrapped his scarf and coat around himself. Now, the wind was blowing at full force and it was freezing cold. The man, gripping the bench with both hands, pulled his knees up and huddled in a kind of ball in a desperate attempt to keep from freezing. No way to take of his coat! The Wind had failed.

Now it was the sun’s turn.

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How to manage highly emotional encounters?

Joerg Kuehn · Feb 22, 2023 · 4 Comments

As part of my psychotherapist qualification, I recently worked with a client who struggled with severe anxiety. It was challenging, and it took several sessions for the client to open up about what was going on.

It was about a relationship. A working relationship.

Alice (name & background changed for confidentiality reasons) was leading a small team of consultants in a high-pressure corporate environment. Juggling the demanding requests of her clients and managing her team was tough. But her key struggle was the relationship she suffered through with a senior peer in a supporting function.

Alice described that person as an “aggressive dictator,” who was 10 years older and fighting “tooth and nail” over everything. This made it impossible for Alice to establish a collaborative relationship. She dreaded every encounter with the “dictator.” Several days before their next meeting, she could feel her stomach churn and she would endure sleepless nights.

The meetings were tense. Conversations were difficult… until at one point it came to a head. In front of the whole team, the smouldering conflict between the two leaders exploded. Both started throwing accusations. The “dictator” began to raise her voice and, with cutting, machine-gun like remarks, she systematically dismantled Alice. Feeling embarrassed, incapable, small and stupid, Alice shrank further and further to the point where she could not handle it. Close to tears, she dropped out of the video call. It was a disaster.

„All you need is …!“

Joerg Kuehn · Jul 28, 2022 · Leave a Comment

On November 16, 2019, I sent an email to family and friends inviting them to celebrate the “half-time of my life” at the end of May, 2020. I could have also called it the “31^st anniversary of my 19^th birthday,” or simply let them know I would be crossing half the half-century mark. Many had signed up, and in February 2020, the organisation of the event was done.

But sadly, we all know what happened after that. The world went into a stand-still for 2 years. It was impossible to even think about having a party and celebrating with friends. By the end of 2021, I started another attempt at organising the event, and with the world opening, it became more and more likely it could happen in June 2022.

As the big day drew closer, I was quite anxious about how it would go.

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Nobody is an island

Joerg Kuehn · Mar 30, 2022 · Leave a Comment

Quite some time ago I came across the following song by the German songwriter Gerhard Schöne. It takes the form of a parable.

Many years ago, a man arrived at the gateway to heaven. As he had lived a good and humble life, he was pleased to stand outside the glowing gates of heaven, ready to ascend into the light and love of the afterlife. But there was a thought he struggled to let go of.

The gatekeeper, being quite observant, noticed his hesitation and asked the man: “What is bothering you, my friend? You seem troubled. Is there unfinished business?”

“Not really,” said the man. “Everything is sorted just fine down there, but I find myself wondering what hell is like. I never really believed in heaven or hell all my life, but now, I am really wondering what it looks like.”

“You may be surprised.” The Gatekeeper smiled: “As with all great truths, it’s not as simple as you may think, yet also, far simpler. Let me show you.”

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