overwhelmed

Do we carry somebody else’s burden?

Joerg Kuehn · Nov 23, 2022 · 2 Comments

As a coach and psychotherapist-in-training, I sometimes work with clients whose circumstances deeply touch me. Recently, I had one of these cases. I was very much drawn into it. Day and night, I was thinking about ways I could help my client, who was struggling with a very complex personal and professional situation.

As time went on, I noticed I was starting to go way beyond the scope of my role as a coach. I researched various options around how the difficult situation could be resolved and even drafted some potential communication for the client. At one point, I found myself waking up at night, trying to work things out. That’s when I realised, I needed to discuss the case with my supervisor Steve. I’m glad I did, as it taught me a very profound lesson.

Getting things done by “non-doing”!

Joerg Kuehn · Sep 28, 2022 · Leave a Comment

Last September, I started an online course on “psychological research for practicing therapists.” It was supposed to take me no more than 20 hours and teach me “skills and abilities of the social science researcher” as part of my journey towards becoming a Psychotherapist.

I quickly worked through the course materials and passed the test. But then I had to write an essay. When I submitted my essay at the beginning of November, I’d probably spent 30 hours on the course. I thought I was done. But I was clearly not done, and a substantial lesson was to be learned.

The essay grader was happy about the first part, but did not pass the second. I had to provide further depth and added resources to my suggested mock-research project. I was diligent. I spent at least another 20 hours studying, rewriting, and upgrading my essay. I submitted it again at the beginning of January and I thought that was certainly the end of it. But within a few weeks I got the grader’s feedback. Not passed! There were “still some issues with this proposal.”

I’ll spare you the details, but I was frantic. I spent another 20 hours not only revising, but writing, a completely new research proposal. I shared it with my supervisor but his feedback was not very positive..

Now, I was really on edge. I’d spent more than 60 hours on a course which was supposed to take me only 20 hours, and I still did not have a proposal that would get a passing grade. I had enough! I rather angrily put the proposal to the side in complete despair.

Is it a threat or a challenge to you?

Joerg Kuehn · Feb 22, 2022 · Leave a Comment

‘‘The test you will take today is designed to help us identify people who are exceptionally weak in their problem-solving reasoning abilities. Your performance on this test will not be scored like most normal tests, but rather will be classified as either above or below a predetermined cut-off score. If you score below that cut-off, this suggests that you are exceptionally weak —in other words, well below average in your problem-solving reasoning abilities. Thus, this test and the scoring method used are designed only to separate those who are especially weak from everyone else.”

This is how Dr. Chalabajev and her team introduced the test to participants of group 1 in their study about how people deal with performance anxiety. Group 2 was introduced differently, with the underlined words replaced as follows: weak by strong and below by above. The intention was to trigger fear in group 1 making participants feeling under threat, by being at risk of getting classified as “especially weak”, whereas help group 2 to identify the test as a challenge where they could potentially be identified as “especially strong” problem solvers with not much else to lose. In scientific terms group 1 was targeted to become “goal-avoidant” and group 2 “goal-approaching.”

The study results* are in my point of view mind boggling:

The answers are inside – not outside!

Joerg Kuehn · Sep 30, 2020 · Leave a Comment

It was the 3^rd of September 2003 when Medical Manager CEO Michael Singer received a panic call from his division’s attorney. The FBI was raiding his R&D facility, along with several other locations across WebMD, a publicly listed company in the field of health information services. The FBI confiscated 1.2 million email messages, 1,500 boxes of files with more than 3 million pages of documents, and 830,000 computer files.

A few weeks later the reason for the FBI-inquiry became clear. It turned out an employee, who was internally investigated for taking dealer kickbacks, had informed the authorities about his dealings, alleging the company board was fully aware of these illegal affairs. He was hoping to cut a deal for himself.

Despite Michael Singer’s career as the CEO of a division with more than 2,500 employees, he lived a quiet, spiritual life in “the woods” where he moved in his early twenties to learn “how to quiet the voice in his head.” All his life, he had been practicing “how to surrender” and create “inner peace.” This federal investigation offered a massive challenge to his inner peace. If things turned out badly, he might end up in prison.

From handcuffs to a dream job – the power of setting boundaries!

Joerg Kuehn · May 25, 2020 · Leave a Comment

It was a Thursday evening in 2010 only a few days after her second daughter was born, when the police knocked on Peggy Chan’s door (name changed for confidentiality reasons). It turned out that her abusive husband had jumped bail and the police were searching for him with a warrant of arrest for Peggy. She was put in handcuffs and brought to the police station. She was released after the interrogation, conditional on her turning up on Monday for the court hearing, where she had to either provide her husband’s whereabouts, which she did not know, or pay a $20k bail fine. Peggy was devastated.

Her only way out was to ask her mother for help, despite not having a good relationship with her. Peggy’s mother agreed to help and saw how her daughter was being handcuffed and put in the docks on Monday. Peggy’s mother paid the $20k fine. After this incident, Peggy filed for divorce and had to move back in with her mother. This was far from easy. Her mother was a tough and strong-willed person and everything had to go her way. On the positive side, her mother pushed Peggy to further her education and so Peggy started a bachelor degree with an Australian university at the end of 2010 whilst working full-time in a customer service job and raising her two children as a single mum.

In 2013, shortly after she had completed her Bachelor degree, Peggy received the devastating news…

overwhelmed

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