Twelve years ago, my life looked successful and positive from the outside. I had a good job as a senior supply chain director at Procter & Gamble, was paid a handsome salary, and lived in a high-end property overlooking the Singapore skyline. But something was missing. I felt unfulfilled somehow … lost and trapped. After a string of spectacularly failed relationships, with my health not the best, and ‘handcuffed’ to the golden cage of my well-paid job, I found myself in the middle of a classic midlife crisis.
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How to manage highly emotional encounters?
As part of my psychotherapist qualification, I recently worked with a client who struggled with severe anxiety. It was challenging, and it took several sessions for the client to open up about what was going on.
It was about a relationship. A working relationship.
Alice (name & background changed for confidentiality reasons) was leading a small team of consultants in a high-pressure corporate environment. Juggling the demanding requests of her clients and managing her team was tough. But her key struggle was the relationship she suffered through with a senior peer in a supporting function.
Alice described that person as an “aggressive dictator,” who was 10 years older and fighting “tooth and nail” over everything. This made it impossible for Alice to establish a collaborative relationship. She dreaded every encounter with the “dictator.” Several days before their next meeting, she could feel her stomach churn and she would endure sleepless nights.
The meetings were tense. Conversations were difficult… until at one point it came to a head. In front of the whole team, the smouldering conflict between the two leaders exploded. Both started throwing accusations. The “dictator” began to raise her voice and, with cutting, machine-gun like remarks, she systematically dismantled Alice. Feeling embarrassed, incapable, small and stupid, Alice shrank further and further to the point where she could not handle it. Close to tears, she dropped out of the video call. It was a disaster.
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What do we really need?
Eight years ago, when packing my bag for that daunting Camino De Santiago walk, the weight quickly added up to more than 20kg. I had no idea what it would mean to carry 20kg over a distance of 800km. Fortunately, a good friend of mine helped me reduce it to the absolutely essentials, weighing 10kg.
As you can see from the picture above, I got it down to 3 T-shirts + 2 shirts, 3 undies, 3 pairs of socks, and 2 pairs of walking pants + a jacket. Combine this with a tube of travel-detergent and a few personal items, and that was all I took. What you see proved to be sufficient for a 4 weeks pilgrimage, during which I honestly did not really want for anything. The big lesson I learned was which material things are truly essential.
What do we really need? Not that much.
As we are all more or less confined at home at the moment, I thought why not apply this lesson to “life in lockdown?” We have some time to reflect on what needs to go in our backpack for day to day living during the crisis. After all, there are a lot of things we can’t do or have that we are used to doing and having. So, let’s look at what’s really essential?