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Dr. Derek Summerfield, a South African psychiatrist, spent time in Cambodia studying the mental health effects of leftover landmines on the local population. Coincidentally, during this time, antidepressant medications were introduced to the region. But there was one problem. In the local Khmer language, there was no word for “antidepressant.”
Exactly a decade ago, in April 2014, I took the leap and founded my coaching company in Singapore. Fuelled by enthusiasm and exhibiting perhaps a good portion of naivety, I began the journey of self-employment. As I celebrate the milestone of being in business for 10 years, I’ve taken a moment to reflect on 5 lessons I’ve learned.
1. “Vitamin E” and “Vitamin F”
My journey as a self-employed coach nearly stopped before it even started after my employment pass (EP) application was rejected twice in Singapore. Suddenly, I was a tourist in a place I had called home for nine years. The Ministry of Manpower (MOM) required actual coaching contracts to verify my commitment.
Thankfully, with the help of an EP expert and the support from my football family, I secured some initial contracts and obtained my EP. However, my assumption was that now that the shop was open, clients would flock to me en masse was completely wrong. Nobody was waiting outside my door. So, I invested in an expert business coach, Denise Hedges. Her emphasis on leveraging personal networks, forming strategic alliances, and public speaking would become instrumental in building my practice step by step.
With Denise’s help, I made some challenging asks and I am happy to say that during the toughest times it was my football network that came to the rescue. Their recommendations and support went beyond my expectations, enabling me to get started as a coach. And that support has not stopped since. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Khun Rob, Air-Plane-Roland, Warm-Water-Roland, Denis, Markus D., Katze Klaus, Tommy, Nocki, Madse, Christian, and many more.
Vitamin F (Football network) and Vitamin E (Experts) have been crucial. That fact was reaffirmed recently when we got together to celebrate the invaluable support all these experts gave me during the writing and publishing of my book.
2. Do it like Paul Smith
My second learning is closely related to life-advice offered by successful British fashion designer, Paul Smith. At the start Paul did not have the cash to get the business off the ground, so he made the strategic decision to work from Monday to Thursday to make money in areas he had existing experience and knowledge. During the other 3 days, he would focus on developing his fashion business with the funds earned earlier in the week. The rest is history, as he built a successful world-wide fashion brand.
When looking back at my self-employment journey I realise that I am earning my base income as a consultant using skills which I had learned during my time in supply chain management in Procter & Gamble. I always felt that I should separate myself from my consulting past and focus 100% on coaching. But the truth is the time spent consulting has not only become an established practice I enjoy and which “pays the bills.” It also helps me become a better coach, because as a consultant, I get to “walk in my clients’ shoes,” feeling the heat and pressure their work brings.
3. Know thy why … being a gardener
The German word for self-employed is “selbstständig,” consisting of the 2 phrases … “selbst” (self) & “ständig” (constantly), meaning one could / should work constantly. Yes, I certainly experienced the trap of always going on to the next thing that needs to be done, leaving myself little or no chance to rest. It’s been tough, and on several occasions, I came close to burn out.
During the most difficult times, it was crucial to remind myself of my “why.” Why did I want to operate my own business? My why is based on the following quote: “If you want to be happy for one hour, get drunk; if you want to be happy for a week, get married; if you want to be happy for ever, get a garden.” Pondering this quote, I had a remarkable visualisation and epiphany, because working with coaching clients is like supporting flowers in a garden. Instead of plants, I work with “human flowers,” supporting them, caring for them, and nurturing them.
Doing this work, I could be happy forever. To this day, this realisation gives me the reason to get up every morning. I work in my garden and see which human flower needs a bit of “watering” or “care” to help them bloom or get through a challenging dry spell.
4. Get your cheerleaders!
Being self-employed can be a very lonely endeavour, even though, as a coach I speak to lots of people every day. In hindsight, I realise it was crucial for me to have a group of cheerleaders … people who are there in the tough times with a word of support, reassuring me that things will be alright. I’m lucky to be able to think out loud with some close friends and my supervisor Steve. And yet, we all need support on the home front, and, on that score, I am happy to say that my wife Anne is my biggest cheerleader, helping me through the toughest of times.
With all this support. I am proud to look back at 10 amazing years full of learning, growth, and challenges, but also making a difference in the world.
Sure, the going was rough at times, but my fifth learning is that it definitely was all worth it and with this I am very much looking forward to the next decade of “gardening human flowers.”
Es ist 13.30 Uhr am 30. März 1983, als Holger Bethke und sein Freund Michael Becker an einer bestimmten Ecke in der Schmollerstraße in Ost-Berlin ankommen. Das Haus, nach dem sie suchen, liegt direkt neben dem „Todesstreifen“. Verkleidet als Handwerker versuchen sie so wenig Lärm wie möglich zu machen, als sie die verschlossenen Türen mit einem „Dietrich“ öffnen. Ihr Plan ist es, von hier aus über die Berliner Mauer zu fliehen. Das ist ebenso wagemutig und riskant wie lebensgefährlich. Doch wenn es funktioniert, schaffen sie es in ein komplett neues Leben.
Noch allerdings gilt es zwölf Stunden zu warten. Die Zeit verbringen sie auf dem Dachboden, essen ein paar mitgebrachte Brote, trinken Schnaps und rauchen Zigaretten. Kurz nach Mitternacht legen sie das Ende eines 105 Meter langen 6mm-Stahlkabels um den Schornstein. Das andere Ende wird an einer Angelschnur befestigt und soll mit einem Pfeil und Fiberglas-Bogen auf das Dach eines Hauses auf der anderen Seite der Grenze geschossen werden.
[Read more…] about Kreative Problemlösung für ein befreites Leben
I had started to collect my 450 client-therapy hours towards becoming a UKCP registered Psychotherapist. It was tough, as I was exposed to psychological and personal challenges I was absolutely not used to as a Coach.
I was trying my best, but something wasn’t working. Some clients came for a few sessions, then abruptly stopped. That was hard to take emotionally, and I began to question my ability to support psychotherapeutic clients.
As I was talking the cases through with my supervisor Steve, he leaned back, looked at me, and asked if I knew the story of the wind and the sun. I did not. It’s quite profound.
“The wind and the sun were talking one day as they observed a man sitting on a bench. It was rather cold, so the man was dressed in a scarf and a coat. Out of the blue, the wind suggested a little challenge to the sun. The wind said, “I’ll bet I can blow that man’s coat off.” The sun scoffed. “I’ll take that bet and I raise it. You can’t do it … but I can.”
“You?” said the wind. “What power do you have? No way.” And so, the contest was on.
The wind began to blow in chilly winds from the north. The man tugged his coat up tighter around his neck. So, the wind kicked up the intensity of the wind speed a few notches. As the wind blew stronger and stronger, the man struggled to sit upright on the bench. The more powerfully the wind blew, the tighter the man wrapped his scarf and coat around himself. Now, the wind was blowing at full force and it was freezing cold. The man, gripping the bench with both hands, pulled his knees up and huddled in a kind of ball in a desperate attempt to keep from freezing. No way to take of his coat! The Wind had failed.
Now it was the sun’s turn.
[Read more…] about How to support someone in a really difficult place?
As part of my psychotherapist qualification, I recently worked with a client who struggled with severe anxiety. It was challenging, and it took several sessions for the client to open up about what was going on.
It was about a relationship. A working relationship.
Alice (name & background changed for confidentiality reasons) was leading a small team of consultants in a high-pressure corporate environment. Juggling the demanding requests of her clients and managing her team was tough. But her key struggle was the relationship she suffered through with a senior peer in a supporting function.
Alice described that person as an “aggressive dictator,” who was 10 years older and fighting “tooth and nail” over everything. This made it impossible for Alice to establish a collaborative relationship. She dreaded every encounter with the “dictator.” Several days before their next meeting, she could feel her stomach churn and she would endure sleepless nights.
The meetings were tense. Conversations were difficult… until at one point it came to a head. In front of the whole team, the smouldering conflict between the two leaders exploded. Both started throwing accusations. The “dictator” began to raise her voice and, with cutting, machine-gun like remarks, she systematically dismantled Alice. Feeling embarrassed, incapable, small and stupid, Alice shrank further and further to the point where she could not handle it. Close to tears, she dropped out of the video call. It was a disaster.
[Read more…] about How to manage highly emotional encounters?
