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depression

How to support someone in a really difficult place?

Joerg Kuehn · Apr 26, 2023 · 2 Comments

I had started to collect my 450 client-therapy hours towards becoming a UKCP registered Psychotherapist. It was tough, as I was exposed to psychological and personal challenges I was absolutely not used to as a Coach.

I was trying my best, but something wasn’t working. Some clients came for a few sessions, then abruptly stopped. That was hard to take emotionally, and I began to question my ability to support psychotherapeutic clients.

As I was talking the cases through with my supervisor Steve, he leaned back, looked at me, and asked if I knew the story of the wind and the sun. I did not. It’s quite profound.

“The wind and the sun were talking one day as they observed a man sitting on a bench. It was rather cold, so the man was dressed in a scarf and a coat. Out of the blue, the wind suggested a little challenge to the sun. The wind said, “I’ll bet I can blow that man’s coat off.”  The sun scoffed. “I’ll take that bet and I raise it. You can’t do it … but I can.” 

“You?” said the wind.  “What power do you have?  No way.”  And so, the contest was on.

The wind began to blow in chilly winds from the north. The man tugged his coat up tighter around his neck. So, the wind kicked up the intensity of the wind speed a few notches. As the wind blew stronger and stronger, the man struggled to sit upright on the bench. The more powerfully the wind blew, the tighter the man wrapped his scarf and coat around himself. Now, the wind was blowing at full force and it was freezing cold. The man, gripping the bench with both hands, pulled his knees up and huddled in a kind of ball in a desperate attempt to keep from freezing. No way to take of his coat! The Wind had failed.

Now it was the sun’s turn.

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Even if you think you can manage it – reach out!

Joerg Kuehn · Nov 24, 2021 · Leave a Comment

Our former principal of the National College for Hypnosis and Psychotherapy, Shaun Brookhouse, wasn’t feeling his best in March 2020.  He “didn’t think it was anything in particular.  He just felt a bit unwell.”

Shaun took a week off from work, but things got worse, and people around him started to worry when his breathing became more laboured. One friend eventually insisted on calling an ambulance, and Shaun reluctantly followed through.

From then on, he doesn’t remember anything… until 5 long weeks later, when he was revived from an induced coma, as the doctors tried to bring his respiratory tract back online. It turned out Shaun was one of the first COVID patients.

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Was getan ist, ist erledigt – „Feierabend“!

Joerg Kuehn · May 27, 2021 · Leave a Comment

Mein absoluter Favorit unter den buddhistischen Mönchen (und gleichzeitig auch Lieblingskomiker) Ajahn Brahm erzählte einmal die Geschichte von einem seiner „Kollegen“, der den Bau einer neuen Halle in seinem Kloster in Südthailand beaufsichtigte. Die Arbeiten seien bis Anfang Juni gut vorangekommen, berichtete er, was auch wichtig war, denn dann beginnt die Regenzeit, in der die Mönche aufhören ihre „weltlichen“ Arbeiten zu verrichten, um mehr Zeit mit Meditationen und kontemplativem Lernen zu verbringen.

Als nun die täglichen Monsunregen einsetzten, befahl der Abt, die Tätigkeiten auf der Baustelle einzustellen und schickte alle Arbeiter nach Hause.

Das Kloster blieb allerdings weiter für Besucher geöffnet. So kam es, dass einige von ihnen sowohl das unvollendete Gebäude als auch die ruhig in innerer Einkehr versunkenen Mönche sahen. Und so fragte einer der Besucher den Abt, wann denn der Bau der neuen Halle abgeschlossen sein würde. Der Abt antwortete: „Die Halle ist fertig!“

[Read more…] about Was getan ist, ist erledigt – „Feierabend“!

What is done is finished – “Feierabend”

Joerg Kuehn · May 27, 2021 · Leave a Comment

My favourite Buddhist monk and comedian, Ajahn Brahm, once told the story of a fellow monk, who was overlooking the building of a new hall in his monastery in southern Thailand. The work progressed very well until the beginning of June.  That’s when the rainy season sets in, usually lasting until October. During this time, the monks stop doing their regular work and spend more time in contemplative study and meditation.  It’s often referred to as “Buddhist lent” or “rain-retreat.”

As the daily monsoon downpours began, the abbot ordered a stop to the work on the construction site and sent all the workers home.

It happened that during that rainy season some visitors came to the monastery and saw the unfinished building and the abbot sitting quietly in reflection. With no builders in sight, a visitor asked the monk when the construction of the hall would be finished. The abbot without any hesitation answered, “The Hall is Finished!”

[Read more…] about What is done is finished – “Feierabend”

Wie geht es dir wirklich?

Joerg Kuehn · Apr 28, 2021 · Leave a Comment

Dem 20-jährige Jonny Benjamin ging es nicht gut. Kürzlich war bei ihm eine psychische Erkrankung diagnostiziert worden, was dazu geführt hatte, dass er in eine schwere Depression abrutschte, und er schließlich an einem kalten Januarmorgen im Jahr 2008 beschloss, seinem Leiden ein Ende zu bereiten.

Als er lediglich mit einem T-Shirt bekleidet die Waterloo-Brücke in London betrat und dort über das Geländer stieg, war er mehr als bereit dazu, sich das Leben zu nehmen. Kurz bevor er springen wollte, sprach ihn aber plötzlich von hinten jemand an: „Hey Kumpel, kannst du mir sagen, warum du hier am Rand dieser Brücke sitzt“, fragte der unbekannte Fremde. Mit düsterem Gesicht und verzagter Stimme antwortete Jonny, dass er sich das Leben nehmen wolle. Doch der Fremde ließ nicht locker und verwickelte Jonny weiter in ein rettendes Gespräch: „Bitte tu das nicht, mein Freund. Tu es bitte nicht. Lass uns einfach einen Kaffee zusammen trinken und ein bisschen über deine Sorgen sprechen.“ Der freundliche Ton, das aufrichtige Mitgefühl und die große Besorgnis überzeugten den Verzweifelten, und so stieg er zurück über das Geländer. Kurz darauf wurde er in ein Krankenhaus gebracht und durchlief dort ein Reha-Programm.

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