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What does life expect from you?

Joerg Kuehn · Mar 29, 2023 · Leave a Comment

Nine months after he had married his wife in 1942, the Austrian psychiatrist Victor Frankl and his family were captured by the Nazis and transported to the Theresienstadt Ghetto – a waystation en route to the extermination camps. They were forced to abort their unborn child, and Frankl’s father died only months later of starvation and pneumonia.

In 1944, together with his wife and 1,500 other inmates, Frankl was placed on a train. They assumed they’d be transported to one of the Nazi armament factories to be used as forced labour. After days cooped up in the windowless wagon, one of the inmates glanced at a signpost outside. What he read out made the desperate passengers shiver with fear. “Auschwitz!,” he screamed in disbelief.

Separated from his wife upon arrival, Frankl was a man without any connection to his former life.

How to manage highly emotional encounters?

Joerg Kuehn · Feb 22, 2023 · 4 Comments

As part of my psychotherapist qualification, I recently worked with a client who struggled with severe anxiety. It was challenging, and it took several sessions for the client to open up about what was going on.

It was about a relationship. A working relationship.

Alice (name & background changed for confidentiality reasons) was leading a small team of consultants in a high-pressure corporate environment. Juggling the demanding requests of her clients and managing her team was tough. But her key struggle was the relationship she suffered through with a senior peer in a supporting function.

Alice described that person as an “aggressive dictator,” who was 10 years older and fighting “tooth and nail” over everything. This made it impossible for Alice to establish a collaborative relationship. She dreaded every encounter with the “dictator.” Several days before their next meeting, she could feel her stomach churn and she would endure sleepless nights.

The meetings were tense. Conversations were difficult… until at one point it came to a head. In front of the whole team, the smouldering conflict between the two leaders exploded. Both started throwing accusations. The “dictator” began to raise her voice and, with cutting, machine-gun like remarks, she systematically dismantled Alice. Feeling embarrassed, incapable, small and stupid, Alice shrank further and further to the point where she could not handle it. Close to tears, she dropped out of the video call. It was a disaster.

What can we learn from the “Phantom of the Open”?

Joerg Kuehn · Jan 25, 2023 · Leave a Comment

Maurice Flitcroft was a crane operator working at a shipyard in North-East England. He was 44 years old in October 1974 when he did something ordinary. He watched a golf tournament. Nobody knew that watching that tournament that afternoon in front of his brand-new color-tv would be a life-changing event. It was the day when Maurice decided to become a golfer… one who would write history.

A Christmas tale of a dream come true

Joerg Kuehn · Dec 14, 2022 · Leave a Comment

I was in a complete panic … sweaty, jittery, and close to throwing up … when I entered the audition stage in Singapore on a Thursday afternoon in March 2012. I had gone to the wrong venue initially and only made my audition slot with a desperate 1km sprint in tropical conditions. The 5 judges invited me to take a seat and told me they were ready whenever I was.

All my life I’ve had this dream. I wanted to play an instrument, bringing people together and have them sing along with a smile on their faces. And, all my life I had stood on many stages, usually slightly tipsy, telling myself one day I would be a musician too. But sadly, I did not do anything about it.

My good friend Sascha discovered my longing and during Christmas 2010, he bought me a guitar. But a busy job and terrible experiences during my singing lessons kept me from progressing at all towards my dream. (Sascha surely remembers my desperate attempts at rendering Hotel California, which made my singing teacher resign).

It was not until the end of 2011 when I suddenly discovered a perceived short cut… the ukulele. With only 4 strings, I was relatively quickly able to play 4-5 songs. As part of my self-discovery and self-expression journey, I thought it was time to do some busking. “Naive” is probably far too nice a word to describe my expectations.

Do we carry somebody else’s burden?

Joerg Kuehn · Nov 23, 2022 · 2 Comments

As a coach and psychotherapist-in-training, I sometimes work with clients whose circumstances deeply touch me. Recently, I had one of these cases. I was very much drawn into it. Day and night, I was thinking about ways I could help my client, who was struggling with a very complex personal and professional situation.

As time went on, I noticed I was starting to go way beyond the scope of my role as a coach. I researched various options around how the difficult situation could be resolved and even drafted some potential communication for the client. At one point, I found myself waking up at night, trying to work things out. That’s when I realised, I needed to discuss the case with my supervisor Steve. I’m glad I did, as it taught me a very profound lesson.

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